Bureaucratic Gymnast Gifts

The benefits agency is always willing to be flexible,but only under certain limited, clearly defined circumstances.

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

Deskboxes: 'LATE' and 'NEVER'.

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

Mediation Process

"You're allowed to think outside the box, as long as you stay inside the margins."

"So from the top. If they need urgent help it's form AC/765c, criticl interventions are CV/U657's and..."

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

NHS targets.

"Ah, you'll be wanting our red tape department, third door on the left!"

Industrial Injuries Benefit.

MI5 Press Office

Liberties: civil and uncivil.

'In... out... in... out... in... out... in...?!'

'The dept. of agriculture says yes, the environmental protection agency says maybe, and the food and drug administration says no.'

God's Office.

Director: US Space Research.

"Remember, report itemized deductions on Schedule A on your federal form 1040."

I filed my tax return electronically, to speed things up. Sure enough, I got audited in record time.

"You need to put on some weight if you want to keep your job!"

Too early to begin working on/Too late to do anything about.

Auditor General.

"Now, there are just a few more forms for you to sign, and then we're done!"

Congratulations on winning the Inland Revenue Fiction Award.

"Welcome to the building, Mrs. Bergdorf. We'd like to go over the condo's rules with you."

I see from this you were very good at organising office parties.

Washington Monuments

"Y formerly Department of Government Efficiency"

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single travel requisition."

'On behalf of our cabin crew who have voted in favour of strike action over Christmas. . . kindly fill out this form. Please send us your questions and comments about how the strike has effected your plans, ruined your holiday. . .'

'The next disciplinary committee might not be so lenient.'

'Have you got an Environmental Impact Statement for that castle, son?'

A woman sits in an office of the Food and Drug Administration in - out boxes marked MMMM Good and Oh - Bad.