Bunker Dwellers T-Shirts

"I wonder if we might benefit from socializing more with those who don't harbor anti-government views."

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

Politicians' basements (as seen on TV)

"Fred, I think you're spending altogether too much time down here with these mushrooms!"

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

'Hole in one!!!!'

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"I travel Prada whenever I can."

Upper West Side Story

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

"Hard to believe this was all rain forest just fifteen years ago."

Tortured Plank

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

It was going to be a subdivision, but they ran out of snow. Chilly Hills Estates.

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

"Thank you."

Skimming out star reflections

'Yes, the walls ARE thin, but you'll be happy to know a world-famous rapper lives in the next unit.'

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

"Scat!"

'This has to be the longest course I've ever played!' (Sign with Gas/Food/Lodging Next Tee)

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

An ellipsis in the sky

"Living underground is not what it used to be."

'I can't get John to do a thing to the garden!'

"Can you give me some you haven't chewed on already."

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

Auld Gang Sign