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That Awkward Moment When You Discover That Wall Street's Insanity Is Helping You

'Quick, roll up the red carpet!'

I didn't know there was an annual running of the bulls through the financial district.

'With the longest run on Wall Street in modern times, our next speaker needs no introduction.'

Stock market recession strategy.

The day the stock market went UP.

Wall St. pulls away.

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"We're always excited to hear from analysts who are bullish on the market."

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

"I told you everyone would come as a bull or a bear..."

'Money, I'm home!'

"There's something about seeing red that just drives me crazy."

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

'I just checked my portfolio and it's worth a small fortune. Unfortunately, I started with a large fortune.'

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

'Harold took the advice of the 'experts' and only invested in things he understood, which is why our portfolio consists entirely of Anheuser-Busch and Phillip Morris.'

Stock market books.

"I've road a few bulls myself, partner

America's funniest investment scams

'Don't let our profits go south. You know what I'm like when we get in the RED!'

'He said his first words today - 'dividend reinvest'.'

The Bullish World

'You're beat. Maybe you need to wake up to a better morning news team.'

The bluebird of happiness remains bullish: 'BUY! BUY! BUY!'

"Buy low, sell high. That's all I know about the birds and bees, Harland."

Wall Street - Bull in China Drop

"That's the shoestring I started with. It was tied around 100 million dollars worth of stocks and bonds."

Why stocks go up forever.

'Believe it or not there actually was a time when we accepted money for executing trades up to 5,000 shares.'

'Pssst! How do we go about telling him we're interested in growth stocks?'

Learning from economics