Budget Therapists Gifts

"He quit online counseling. This gives him the same sympathy, but cheaper."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Couples' therapy

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'I'd like to return this, please.'

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

"I feel off. I want to feel off and running."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'We have three minutes left.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

'I love shopping for clothing I don't need with money I don't have.'

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"You need to stop bottling it up."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'