Budget-friendly Wellness Enthusiast T-Shirts

'This prescription will be expensive to fill. You might want to try it's generic form...chicken soup.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

Proceed no further if chakras not aligned.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

DIY marriage counseling.

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

'Let's go home and come back next year. It's Ground Hog Deficit!'

'They never quite finished it - it was probably over budget.'

"My approach is nontraditional, but from a uniquely Western perspective."

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

The spend is high

Family planning - 'I was thinking something low maintenance.'

"Holy moly!"

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

'Please bow your head and cough. I need to check your hairballs.'

"Gym for regular people" "No intimidating trainers!" "Lo-tech" "Less is more!" "Not plastic" "Fluffy and scented" "No mirrors" "Full service restaurant"

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

"The reason you haven't seen me lately is because I haven't been well..."

'Rent two 'feel good' movies, and call me in the morning.'

"Tell you what, dude, I'm writing you a prescription for a scented candle and some granola."

How to make sure he won't see his shadow.

"It's all down to turmeric!"

"But if we didn't measure things we wouldn't know how good we were at measuring the things that we're measuring!"

Man bites on stick - "That other painkilling method is of course a lot more expensive."

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

Looking for a way to have their cake and eat it too.

"That's me. I've had sixty-two."

"I'm glad you checked with me, but yes, I think it's safe for you to do the 'Hokey-Pokey.'"

"It's simple. Remove everything from your life that you enjoy, so you can live a long, unenjoyable life."