Buddha Collector Pillows

'We thought gnomes would be a little common'.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Cat statues on entrance gate

'It's not for myself, you understand."

Barristers

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"Define fair."

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

Trueman Dewayne Lafayette: collector of the imaginary,

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

7 More Dwarfs

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

Doulton Canada Geese

'It's a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. I had it specially made for my hospital.'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"I wonder what this was for."

"I hate to spoil your porridge, but your son has a blonde in his room."

The public was right

The Unknown Attorney: The First To Double His Billable Rate.

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

'How old is this vase?'

The Bible, signed copy.

"You have one, two, three months to live."

Mr Punch's Design for A Statue to Miss Nightingale