Bubbly Philosopher T-Shirts

"Reach for the bubbles! . . . Not the stars, like Larry, there, did!"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

Bubbly

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Pigeon Little

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Reverse psychology

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

Men gossiping

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

Ask not for whom happy hour ends. It ends for thee.

Champagne

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Prosecco

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

Wine Pyramid

ONE HORSE TOWN

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'