Bromance Believer Pillows

"If I ever use the term 'bromance' to describe our friendship, you have permission to punch me."

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Might I suggest something wicked for dessert?"

"Oh, puhleeese. No one's going to steal your idea."

"I like you because you have absolutely no agenda."

Best mates

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

Stress

"Before we begin tonight's dream, a word from our sponsor..."

The Procrastinatorium.

"Does it make you at all uncomfortable that we're same sex friends?"

"Mummy's a bit grisly in the mornings. But after something to eat and a little nap, she's quite pleasant."

'...and despite DNA predictions of incompatibility...'

Cheese Plaiters.

'I hope no one thinks this ride is a bromance.'

"The best decisions are made when complexity and simplicity meet."

All the People of the World See the Same Moon.

"That time you realized your hashtags were longer than your message. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethingsWrongHere #spiritual-awakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #wontSome-bodyThink-of-The-Children?" "ERROR: You have exceeded the number of characters allowed." "That time you. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethings-WrongHere #spiritualawakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #

'My mother thinks I'm beautiful. I'd like a second opinion.'

"I made a video of your water baptism..."

Artificial Intelligence

"Tomorrow’s the day. I’ve been waiting in line for 'Deadpool & Wolverine' for months." "What on earth are you talking about, little buddy?" "Well, it’s not exactly me. It’s a kid I paid, he’s holding my spot." "Wait… Please tell me you didn’t pay a kid to not go home for two months." "It doesn’t sound so good the way you say it."

'Will Tuesday afternoon be satisfactory?'

It's a new high-fiber cereal for adults. There's a surprise pre-approved credit card in every box!

"I haven't confirmed it personally, but I hear the Lutherans have the best coffee."

God Shows His Love In Many Ways...

'It's alright to do your regular work, Sanders, but haven't you caught on yet? The big money is in breakthrough.'

A Tailor and a new customer

"You mean to say, you don't even have broadband?"