Breakup With Parental Control Pillows

"Let's make out!" The unbearable lightness of being 3000 miles away from his mother.

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

The prying mantis,

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

"I can't believe he brought her."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

Your Message on Your T-Shirt: 'Do As You Are Told!'

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

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'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"Are you growing that mustache to make me break up with you?"

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'