Breakup With Parental Control Pillows

"Let's make out!" The unbearable lightness of being 3000 miles away from his mother.

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"I can't believe he brought her."

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

The prying mantis,

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

Your Message on Your T-Shirt: 'Do As You Are Told!'

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

Blues artis's daily list

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"I lose more girlfriends that way."

"Are you growing that mustache to make me break up with you?"

"It could never work between us."