Break Room Gourmet Mugs

"...and as an added perk, our break room is full of stuff your wife won't let you eat."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'These are job perks.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

The Main Types of Cheese

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

To do before Saturday...

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

Too much cilantro

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Is this still America?'

Holiday Supplies

Cheese

'Would you all please congatulate...'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'Cooking'

"The bagels are better in New York."