Brainwave Jester Pillows

"My problem has always been an overabundance of alpha waves."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

Bright Idea

The Department of Mystery - No one really knows who we are or what we do, including us.

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"When I said to convince him of the need for change I was hoping you'd use the seductive power of reason and logic."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

School. I like solving problems with X's and Y's, so I'll probably go into either math or genetics!

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

'To make up for the decline in snail mail deliveries, I've taken to biting my master every time he gets an e-mail.'

'Maybe we have the wrong subject for this brain mapping project.'

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

Annual Mensa Convention: 'Ok, who's the genius who forgot to send out the invitations?'

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

Corporate Cafeteria. I don't care how many toppings you pizza has --- eating it is not multitasking!

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

"An open one-to-one environment is what you want, an open one-to-one environment is what you get, Ms Praed."

'That's part of out in-house, stress management program...'

We're looking at better ways to share our knowledge & expertise. But I'm not going to tell you what they are.'

'My stretch goal for this year is to get 52 weekly paychecks.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

Rubik's ice cube.

'Welcome to the office. . . Someone will be along to remove your self esteem and install your paranoia.'

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

Slave Drivers.