Box Office Analyst Pillows

"The movie we saw this weekend grossed only $3 million!"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'The growing disparity of income is a tribute to our acumen.'

Welcome to Hollywood

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

Woke Jersey Shore

"When did movies start being dumb all year round?"

"What you ain't - is A GENT!"

Landlord makes a song and dance about the rent at a theatre

"Two directors, three adaptations plus 3-D, and they STILL screw it up!"

"I've brought the wrong tickets...And I've come to the wrong show."

Now playing: 'The passion of big box office profits'.

'Sure we're concerned about terrorism, but the only bombs we've seen around here are some of the movies we've booked.'

"..And the best product placement in a film award goes to..."

"I really think it’s time for Madonna to let the dream die."

Music charts development.

'California is so show-biz! - First we elect an evil robot from the future, and then we replace him with a crazy zombie from the past.'

"Can I have a restricted view seat. I can't stand the sight of the star turn."

The following blank screen is brought to you by the Booksellers of America.

Television: Vast Wasteland. . .Vaster Wasteland.

Another cretinous dating show

"But see, now we'll know which episode we're at and what channel it was on."

Handy Pre-made Notes for Modern Life

Tragedy. Comedy. Booking Fee.

"Do you ever get the feeling that we live in a world where...where...?"

"I never connect with universal themes."