Book Dreamer Gifts

"I never have time to read but if I did these are the books I'd read."

Are you printing your own book? No, it's my mailing to agents!

"I'm starting to get worried. How am I going to be adored, parodied, venerated, denounced, redeemed, and ultimately mythologized if I can't get published?"

'Making a million out of writing is a laudable ambition...but I don't think you can do it by trying to copyright the word 'and'.'

Brain Traffic.

"This X-Ray proves conclusively that you don't have a book in you."

"This manuscript is unbelievably mature for a first novel but, sadly, we don't publish the unbelievable."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

US Immigration and Naturalization Service: If you're yearning to breath free...Get Out.

Bookworm Sleepover

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

ET Mishap

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

'Oh for heaven's sake, you're a cow. Just eat grass and be happy.'

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"Me, as soon as I'm old enough, I'm out of here! I'll go and join my older brother: he's a beach bum in San Diego, California..."

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"I never dreamed we'd migrate."

Giant using sheep as cotton buds

Through the Looking Glass - Queen Alice with Frog

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

“If I start pressing these, I’ll never ever ever get out of here.”

"Ambitions... to open an office on Mars. Kennedy Space Center."

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"You think you're a monster because you have poor self image."

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

"Do you ever feel like you were meant for something else?"

A man with Dwarfism is reading Little Women.

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

"I dreamt we got a 'sorry you were out' card."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

'I considered running away, but since I'll probably be living at home until I'm 38, it's a bad career move.'

Beat Fatigue - Stay in Bed.

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'