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Feast / Famine (sign on male/female toilet doors).

'Dinner always makes my hips look big.'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

wattle covers

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

"That's a big fat lie!"

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

Aging Problems

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

Too Skinny, Too Fat

"I can't have anything that's a food."

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

'Oh no! You're obviously smaller than me, Joy!' 'You're not fat, 'cause those pants were tight on me too Verl.'

"It isn't fair! Why aren't thin lips fashionable?"

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

'You can't handle the truth.' - Scene from 'Do these pants make me look fat' starring Jack Nioholson

"Hey, great ab!"

Woman leaves cosmetic surgery as her waste skin is dumped in skip.

"If I had known I was going to evolve, I would have worked on my beach bod."

"You're really serious about that diet!"

"Does this dress make my butt look big?"

'I think my dieting may be getting out of hand.'

'I envy your metabolism.'

'I hate her...'

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

All dressing rooms now have dimmer switches