Boardroom Bluffer T-Shirts

"I have an obligation to the stockholders, not the employees!"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Well, it looks like the merger is off."

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"I'm Jackson, your new micro-manager."

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

'I'm moving up to be Chairperson-of-the-board. One of you will be President.' (Men have fencing swords).

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

"We've had a major development this year that I'm excited to share with the employees."

'Dog eat dog.'

"Oh good, you brought Robert's rules of order."

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

"It's strictly business. Please don't take your financial ruin personally."

"Does it ever cross your mind that we make a lot of money because no one else wants to do what we do?"

Executive puts on brave face for board meeting.

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

'Look at my huge salary as inspiration to you...'

"I need to know that everyone is prepared to play ball with this one."

Meetings and Conventions - Warfare

'I told you, if the LA branch steals our thunder, there is no more dialogue.'

'I brought Simmons here on board to use his powers of levitation on our customer intelligence.'

'At that point the meeting became chaotic, as everyone's medication seemed to wear off at the same time.'

"Are you sending emails or ZZZ mails?"

"You must admit, so far we've done pretty well for not yet having a product line."

"You're late, Myers!"

"I propose we build a panic room."

Our parent company is not pleased with our work. They want all of us to register for a few remedial MBA courses.