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Meet the Bookjacket Blurb Author

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

Filling the Missile Gap

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

An acceptable level of TV violence.

'Being a brilliant,inspiring teacher is NOT adequate, Hackwell....'

Blend Schools

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

'I'd like now to do a blues number, for those of you here on Viagra. It's called - Woke up Early One Morning.'

The Real Russian history

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

Baby with straw to eat out of bib.

"Well...I notice a little criticism on my leadership style..."

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

Cartoon Editor: No, No, No, No, No, No, Maybe.

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

'Too many cliches? Now hold your horses!'

"I was able to get you a 2-book deal."

A man is looking at a sign saying Exhibition of art exhibition jargon.

Best Sellers; Worst Sellers.

Stinging Bee

"My jacket blurbs used to have such conviction, he thought to himself wistfully."

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'

New Jersey Cops Gone Wild

Ezra Pound

"Do you mind if I give you feedback?"

"London prepares for the arrival of Philly sports fans."

'Put them there because we can't figure why they're successful!'

Art is a cruel mistress.

Editor

'If you want to know what really happened, you'll have to buy my new book.'

'I really don't see the point?'

'I've got those, 'No money left for whisky and women because my cattle futures options expired out of the money' blues...'