Bloody Ironic Pillows

Stuffed animal head falls on man.

"Frankenstein? Isn't the story of a being made from the parts of others a little far-fetched?" "I find it very believable."

The Enemies Within? They're the Boys in Blue

'Thank you for waiting. Please continue to hold and your call will bee answered as soon as we can.'

"I'm on break, getting a hot dog...guy in front of me drops dead...heart attack!!..........guess who they blame?"

I'm no longer allergic to flowers!

"Today the secret ingredients for Mom's Apple Pie were sold to the Japanese for sixty-eight million dollars."

"I need some medicine for an infection I'm going to get next week."

"Look kids - the countryside."

"Honey, it's me. Listen, I'm having second thoughts on fish for dinner."

"I must say for a man with a morbid fear of roaming herds, you've had some damnable luck.. "

'Welcome to heaven buddy! We got some stronger stuff inside, but this will get you into the mood.'

"What elephant?"

"Where's Waldo?"

"Every time I say this computer is supposed to be 'user friendly', it lets out an evil laugh."

"He's afraid of needles..."

'When he said he loved going to Wendy's, I just assumed fast food...'

Noise Pollution Symposium.

'And after you let him in, I thought he was one of YOUR relatives!'

'I can't see what point he's trying to make.'

Warning contains Nuts

Origami animals are being driven into a confetti factory slaughter house.

Fluffy's kitty litter and the crematorium.

Bucket List: I wish people would stop using me as an ashtray!

"Am I crazy, or did he just text me 'I'm in a @#$% box. Send help'?"

'Personally, I haven't learned a damn thing from failure.'

"Cancel my appointment, something came up."