Birth Of A Child Prints

'Dude, don't do it. Somewhere down the road it will lead to chores.'

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

'It was hard enough making ends meet when it was just the two of us. Now we have a baby and suddenly there's four more stomachs to feed.'

"Rush this patient to the maternity ward! She's about to deliver a baby!"

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

Trombone emerges from pram. Mother says: 'I'm a firm believer in starting them young.'

"The genetic engineers gave him that birthmark as part of a sponsership deal."

"So when do we go online?"

'Look, I think she recognised you!'

A salesman father waves to his son at the maternity ward.

"Black and a girl? You are freaking kidding me!"

"We're callin' 'im Bill, coz he came at the end of the month"

"If I had to classify our parenting style, I would call it a 24/7, terrifying, all-consuming, worrying style."

Jackson Pollock as a child

Impractical Guide to having babies: 'Disposable Nappies'

'Mom's always telling me to look both ways, don't talk to strangers, and change my passwords.'

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

"...and Jerry here has brought the gift of 'The Gab'."

'I feel much safer living in a gated community.'

"He's a bright little spark, isn't he?"

"Act your birth order!"

"Some wise men...you'd think one of them would have thought of diapers."

New dad.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

'Look! He's taking his first steps.'

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - You'll run it off during the toddler years.'

'Don't feel bad. Maybe your son is just a late bloomer.'

"You put PhD on birth certificate?!" "It's never to early to give em an advantage."

'Honey, bring the camera, he's standing on one leg!!!'

'Wait a minute...what am I doing? I can't count yet.'

New parents refusing to change their baby's nappy

'Look dear, he's burning his first illegal download to rewritable dvd'

'They sort of grow on you.'