Bird Lover's Chuckle Pillows

"I don't feel like going out. Why don't just the two of us stay in and open a can of worms?"

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

Saving for Retirement.

Cyclist Flamingoes

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

New York Scatological Society

"We can do this the easy way or the Hitchcockian way."

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

Signs reads 'Do Not Feed the Boids.'

"Bird of paradise, my ass."

"You want the lead role in the Thanksgiving play, don't you? Try again, 'Gobble, gobble, gobble' - this time with feeling!"

A couple of birds out on the town.

"Well, that backfired."

"Now, son, hitting a car is all about timing. You'll want to release about here..."

Blackbirds.

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

"He's a bird-dog."

Closed for Summer.

Once Henry saw that his usual 'Mating Dance' moves weren't working, he decided to go 'Gangnam Style.'

'Dude, I think you should cut back on the Gummi worms.'

"Let's go to one of those places where they regurgitate the meal right at your table."

Squawk dirty to me...

"So you hired them to do the tidying up?"

"We only have three and twenty black birds for the pie."

"For goodness sake, Wilf, trim your eyebrows -- they think you're one of them!"

"Well, this anti-aging cream clearly states it removes crow's feet."

Two ducks in restaurant, one without a beak, "Can I get my bill, please?"

Artist Hazards

CEO and COO.

"It's a thongbird."