Billing Humor Lovers Prints

'How goes the billing?'

'Hey -- No fair peeking!'

I am billing, therefore I am.

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

"I charge by the grain."

'The IRS is wondering when you might get around to filing your Federal Income Tax?'

'Damn, we forgot to cancel the book of the month!'

"You were observed laughing on the way to the bank. Well, we'll take care of that."

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

Dentist: We drill/Fill/Bill.

'It's a tax refund. There's a note attached asking us not to cash it before next week.'

The day after the meek inherit the Earth.

IRS tax forms.

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

'I don't believe in traditional capital punishment. I'm sentencing you to be taxed to death.'

'Sue, will you see a marriage counselor with me?'

"We lawyers are very conscientious about our charges and I remember that one specifically: I called to wish you a happy birthday and I got your answering machine so I just billed you a quarter of an hour."

"You're self-assessment form is a joke!"

'That charge is for my accountant because this job is going to put me in a higher tax bracket.'

'They'll tax it less than my 4x4 vehicle.'

Man not charged enough for first opinion.

'No, you can't deduct part of your cell as an office.'

"There's a professor Van Helsing to see you"

'I've decided to pay you in merchandise in lieu of money.'

'I recommend you use the short form.'

"I wanted to pay my tax with a smile...but the inland revenue insisted I gave them cash."

From "The Letters Of Jeffrey Flanders and Tip-Top Utility"

IRS - Our Holiday Message: "It's better to give than to deceive."

"Skip parts A through H and fill out the I, O and U ones!"

'Hey! It's our tax dollars too!'

'I must warn you; reading your bill may cause heart palpitations,cold sweat,stomach cramps,nausea...'

"Not your leader...I'm looking for some place to hide taxable income."

"I realize it was a miracle, but you still need to pay taxes on the fair market value for all the wine created out of water."