Bilingual Professional Pillows

"Look! Here comes a job offer!"

"You were hired because you said you speak Spanish?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

Trial by Media

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

UK/US Free Trade Deal

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"All I can say is thank goodness for teleconferencing."

"Dammit, Johnson. You've got to start thinking outside of the box."

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

'He barks when he sees the boss coming.'

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

The Evolution of the Bonus

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."