Bilingual Explorer Pillows

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

Campaign for Plain English

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

Why we need poetry. . .

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

Ninedency: A budding tendency

"I can never understand these foreign crop circles."

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

EU and India partnership.

'the selling of seashells by the seashore was sluggish.'

Most valuable element.

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

A man looking into a mirror saying "HA!"; his reflection looking back at him from the mirror is saying "!AH".

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'

"So I'm like, doesn't anyone speak proper English any more?"

"I'm stuck for the 'June-moon' rhyme in Serbo-Croatian."

'It says here you can talk trash in five languages.'

Reading: Phonics. Using phonics, you learn to read by the sounds of letters. Any questions? Yes. Why does "phonics" begin with "p-h" and not with "f"?

Famous Oxymorons...

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

'Please Miss, is it where Noah kept his bees?'

A Semicolon.

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

'Mummy, what's a daddy one of those called?'

"'Frankenstein' is Jewish. I'm Irish on my mother's side befcause she was green, and an 'O'Houligan'..."

I ONIC. F. E. That group will be very different depending upon whether a "C" or "R" joins them in that second spot.

"For today's lesson, you're going to teach me about pronouns."

"I can't believe this! All these filthy messages on your cell phone! And so many of them! What is it? 100? 500? 1,000?"

Excess Baggage: If you can draw, you don't have to know the local language.

Apostrophe. . . Apostropher

"My English teacher says there are many ways to solve a problem...my math teacher says there is one."

"I lost the spelling bee on the word 'gangsta.' "

"Knowing two languages is sure handy when telemarketers call."

"I will not tolerate that language in this house. What is it,anyway - Latin?"