Big Pharma Analyst Pillows

'Anxiety drugs are driving up Big Pharma stocks, thanks to global armed conflict!'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"That new drug causes flatulence."

Twitter censorship

AstraZeneca Vaccine vs Sputnik V

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

"All those in favor of adding another 5 billion organisms to our probiotic just for the fun of it..."

"R&D really created a miracle drug this time...at least it's been miraculous for our bottom line!"

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

Profits for Big Pharma

'...may the best pharmaceuticals win.'

"Today big pharma stocks rose on news 'down' is a state of mind that can be treated by pharmaceuticals."

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

"We're a pharmaceutical company. We should be getting 'pharm' subsidies."

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."

Prescription Drugs '96.

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

'Human clinical trials start in six months. Sooner if we run out of mice.'

'The problem is that you're overmedicated. Luckily there are drugs that can help with that.'

'The bottom line: do we wait for the government to approve it as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as a furniture polish?'

'Generics of generics - that's the way we'll go.'

"Do we wait for it to be approved as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as furniture polish?"

Privatization and Deregulation are the gas in the engine of the economy.

'Under disclosure rules, I'm required to tell you I own stock in the company whose