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"We need either bigger needles or smaller camels."

Kid to pastor: 'Doesn't Jesus worry about approval ratings?'

'What if the bold inherit the Earth? Do we have any laws on the books for that?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"It had better be twins."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"You call this a constitution?"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"I've got writer's block."

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

The World's Biggest Book Club

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

10 Commitments? Sure, I guess I could give him those, too.

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."