Biblical Jokes Aficionado Pillows

Noah Sent and Received the First Tweet

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

'Do you think that's wise?'

Moses' Tablet

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Fishing with God

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"Have your people call my people."

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

"Lord, business is slow and I'm getting frustrated. If I change my name to 'Job' would that give me more PATIENTS?"

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

'Psst, Noah - there's a rumour going round that the dodos are gay.'