Bible Jokes Appreciator Pillows

"Turning the water into wine was amazing, now how about some fruit punch for the kids."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'Do you think that's wise?'

Moses' Tablet

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

Fishing with God

"OMG, LOL!"

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Have your people call my people."

"Lord, business is slow and I'm getting frustrated. If I change my name to 'Job' would that give me more PATIENTS?"

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

'Psst, Noah - there's a rumour going round that the dodos are gay.'

'Don't worry it's organic...'

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

"Don't forget the screenplay."

'I'm not complaining or anything, but these are going to be really hard on our self-esteem!'