Bedtime Story Fans Pillows

"The end...And remember, it would be very helpful if you left a review of my reading with your mom."

"Stop fact checking my story."

Famous Bedsides

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Late night teddy reading

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

Dog Nightmares

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'She's just great with the children.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."