Bedtime Bloopers Prints

"When the heck does this story start? Oh, wait—this is a cookbook."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'She's just great with the children.'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

"No. You turn over."