Beauty Consultant Joker Mugs

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"Botox."

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

'As pizza maker, maybe a skin care products site isn't the best idea for an affiliate site.'

"More concealer?"

"Oh my gosh — so sorry! Those were extensions!"

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

"I don'y know who did her, but when she laughs the wrinkles go in very weird directions."

'A large Swiss Pharmaceuticals company has expressed serious interest in my potion.'

'We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?'

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Sebum! I think you'll love this property on the left side of the chin. It's a wonderful place to start a pimple."

'Nothing to give him an excuse to say I smell like a cemetery'

"It isn't fair! Why aren't thin lips fashionable?"

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

"An apple? Doesn't he have any pizza?"

I'm sorry, miss. "No substitutions" also applies to your choice of a dining companion. Menu.

Jim's Smart Kettle

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

"One day, I'll have teeth like pearls...skin like silk...and a mind like a steel trap!"

"The perfume is only £20, the antidote is £250!"

Our manicure special today is 'Text Message Tips.' I contour your nails so you can hit all those tiny little keys!

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

'If you count my outie, I've got a seven-pack.'