Beaker Believer Pillows

"Eureka! Details to follow."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"Might I suggest something wicked for dessert?"

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

Sermon on the Grounds...

'Confusionism'

"Before we begin tonight's dream, a word from our sponsor..."

"There's men for you: here today, gone today!"

A mad scientist.

'Honey, I'm home!'

'There goes the world's largest fish.' (fish bowl)

"Mummy's a bit grisly in the mornings. But after something to eat and a little nap, she's quite pleasant."

'I hired a local guide. He knows every square inch of this stadium...'

'What's a good diet for athletes?'

'Yeah, I'm an atheist - and a damn good one.'

'The end is near.'

"Yes, I would love you more if you didn't make mobiles out of old cutlery and beads."

Break it like Beckham

"Lucky beast....No factory farming, no suffering at the slaughterhouse...perfect."

'I couldn't get the beans out of the toaster.'

The Fountain of Espresso

'Oh-oh -- they're having a big war over which one of us to worship!'

A Beer washes up on a desert island without a bottle opener.

"I think we can relax, they're not lumberjacks after all: They're hipsters..."

'I told you these were great seats, but there is a downside. If you need to go to the restroom...'

"Tomorrow’s the day. I’ve been waiting in line for 'Deadpool & Wolverine' for months." "What on earth are you talking about, little buddy?" "Well, it’s not exactly me. It’s a kid I paid, he’s holding my spot." "Wait… Please tell me you didn’t pay a kid to not go home for two months." "It doesn’t sound so good the way you say it."

It's a new high-fiber cereal for adults. There's a surprise pre-approved credit card in every box!

"It IS awful, but it woke you up, didn't it?"

"I haven't confirmed it personally, but I hear the Lutherans have the best coffee."

"Don't punish yourself for who you are. That's God's job."

"How can your god be both intangible and male? Does he have an intangible penis?"

"It started out as a coffee club, but things got out of hand. Now we're a coffee cult."

'Whoa...on second thought, just give me the large.'