Beaker Believer Pillows

"Eureka! Details to follow."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"Might I suggest something wicked for dessert?"

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

'Confusionism'

"Before we begin tonight's dream, a word from our sponsor..."

"There's men for you: here today, gone today!"

A mad scientist.

'Honey, I'm home!'

'There goes the world's largest fish.' (fish bowl)

"Mummy's a bit grisly in the mornings. But after something to eat and a little nap, she's quite pleasant."

'I hired a local guide. He knows every square inch of this stadium...'

'What's a good diet for athletes?'

'Yeah, I'm an atheist - and a damn good one.'

'I couldn't get the beans out of the toaster.'

"Lucky beast....No factory farming, no suffering at the slaughterhouse...perfect."

"Yes, I would love you more if you didn't make mobiles out of old cutlery and beads."

A Beer washes up on a desert island without a bottle opener.

It's a new high-fiber cereal for adults. There's a surprise pre-approved credit card in every box!

'I told you these were great seats, but there is a downside. If you need to go to the restroom...'

"Tomorrow’s the day. I’ve been waiting in line for 'Deadpool & Wolverine' for months." "What on earth are you talking about, little buddy?" "Well, it’s not exactly me. It’s a kid I paid, he’s holding my spot." "Wait… Please tell me you didn’t pay a kid to not go home for two months." "It doesn’t sound so good the way you say it."

"I haven't confirmed it personally, but I hear the Lutherans have the best coffee."

"It IS awful, but it woke you up, didn't it?"

The Fountain of Espresso

"I think we can relax, they're not lumberjacks after all: They're hipsters..."

'Oh-oh -- they're having a big war over which one of us to worship!'

"Don't punish yourself for who you are. That's God's job."

Monk destroys a question mark.

"How can your god be both intangible and male? Does he have an intangible penis?"

"It started out as a coffee club, but things got out of hand. Now we're a coffee cult."

'Whoa...on second thought, just give me the large.'