Barstool Sage T-Shirts

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

"She got the house, six thousand a month and custody of our people."

"And then it hit me—I'm sleeping with my mother."

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

My first mistake.

I can have any woman I please - trouble is, these days they're almost impossible to please.

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'Get the theatre ready we got another one from the cocktail bar.'

"Real estate values soar, cute boutiques proliferate, fine cuisine abounds. These are exciting times to live in Hoboken."

"Do you know what we need? We need drinking songs."

'Only the high-traffic path needs cleaning - from the couch to the bar.'

"The problem is: reasonable men may differ on what the hell reason is!"

'One thing about beer -- you never get buyer's remorse.'

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

'Boozer's Week.'

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

"I gotta say: I admire his judicial temperament."

"So, your friend Victor's a doctor?"

"Don't ask me. I don't know what 'my country 'tis of thee' means, either."

"If I had it to do all over again I wouldn't change much—maybe part my hair on the other side."

'He has trouble choosing what he wants.'

"The only way I lost a few ounces with my activity tracker was when I took it off."

"My wife thinks I'm out looking for a job..."

"I keep thinking how much pleasanter New York would be without Ed, Donald, and George."

"I'm at that point in my life where I'm wondering at what point in my life I am."

Strategic Metals and Non-Strategic Metals.

"No, actually the viola is played more like this."