Barking Philosophers Pillows

Descartes' dog.

Bitchbark Canoe

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

'Arf! Arf!'

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

Dog phrenology

'Sure, he acts like he's into you now, but, trust me...he's only interested in one thing.'

"Take a right at Rocky's fire hydrant. A left at Duke's bench and the dog part will be one block past buddy's tree."

"I yip, therefore I am."

Dog in therapy.

'Wow, it's busy...I hope we can find a barking spot!'

The Inner Dog.

One giant bark for dogkind.

I know they told me not to bark

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'Oh my God, dog biscuits are down!'

"Say something like 'Bow-wow' or 'Arf-arf' and you'll really break them up."

"I bark a lot, sure. But it's not like I couldn't quit if I really wanted to."

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

Select a song: Another Dog Barking. Lots of Other Dogs Barking. Howling. Siren. Doorbell. Dog Karaoke.

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

'Why is it he never understands sit,stay or down, but understands spayed and neutered?'

Big Bark Theory (canine version of the origin of the universe)

"My job is not as easy as it looks: You have to learn about astronomy and celestial mechanics to be able to accurately predict sunrise and sunset..."

"The 'yip yip yip' is mine. Stick to your 'woof woof woof.'"

Bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark. The Dog's Muse.

"Sorry to disturb you, Ma'am, but we've had some reports of a dog barking."

'Honey, I think it's cute that grumpy sings along with universal idols.'

'I like it.'