Barking Philosophers Pillows

Descartes' dog.

Bitchbark Canoe

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

'Arf! Arf!'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

Dog phrenology

"Take a right at Rocky's fire hydrant. A left at Duke's bench and the dog part will be one block past buddy's tree."

"I yip, therefore I am."

Dog in therapy.

'Wow, it's busy...I hope we can find a barking spot!'

The Inner Dog.

One giant bark for dogkind.

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'Oh my God, dog biscuits are down!'

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

"Say something like 'Bow-wow' or 'Arf-arf' and you'll really break them up."

"I bark a lot, sure. But it's not like I couldn't quit if I really wanted to."

'Why is it he never understands sit,stay or down, but understands spayed and neutered?'

"Sorry to disturb you, Ma'am, but we've had some reports of a dog barking."

"My job is not as easy as it looks: You have to learn about astronomy and celestial mechanics to be able to accurately predict sunrise and sunset..."

"The 'yip yip yip' is mine. Stick to your 'woof woof woof.'"

Big Bark Theory (canine version of the origin of the universe)

Out Of Order

"I bark and bark non-stop, and then they come home. It works everytime."

'Honey, I think it's cute that grumpy sings along with universal idols.'