Barking Philosopher Pillows

'Why is it he never understands sit,stay or down, but understands spayed and neutered?'

'When do we learn to bark for no good reason?'

Bitchbark Canoe

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"They’re real."

'Arf! Arf!'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

'Take my advice kid. Enjoy yourself now, because once you get married, your free ranging days are over.'

Dog phrenology

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

"Take a right at Rocky's fire hydrant. A left at Duke's bench and the dog part will be one block past buddy's tree."

"I yip, therefore I am."

Dog in therapy.

'I'm sorry young lady, but you're not old enough to be free range!'

'Wow, it's busy...I hope we can find a barking spot!'

The Inner Dog.

One giant bark for dogkind.

Bad news I'm afraid. Our universe is shrinking!

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'Oh my God, dog biscuits are down!'

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

"I bark a lot, sure. But it's not like I couldn't quit if I really wanted to."

"Say something like 'Bow-wow' or 'Arf-arf' and you'll really break them up."

"The 'yip yip yip' is mine. Stick to your 'woof woof woof.'"