Bar Stool Philosophers Prints

"How come all your alcohol is behind a paywall?"

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'My thesis was entitled 'Tears of a Clown: Irony or Paradox?''

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

"Been there, drunk that."

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

"Do you believe the world is all an illusion?" "I know it is. I know it can be bent by our collective will. When I was born, there were horses and buggies in the streets. But as soon as we all believed we could do it, we went to the moon." "Oh, I agree. That's why I'm trying to get the whole internet to retweet 'It's possible to upload our minds into immortal robot bodies.' If the entire hive mind of Earth tweets that at the same time, it's got to come true." "I hope not. I'd hate for you to end

"It just happens...one day you wake up and you find that your best billable hours are behind you."

My first mistake.

'Get the theatre ready we got another one from the cocktail bar.'

"I've been bounced a few times, but never deposed."

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

"Real estate values soar, cute boutiques proliferate, fine cuisine abounds. These are exciting times to live in Hoboken."

I can have any woman I please - trouble is, these days they're almost impossible to please.

"Do you know what we need? We need drinking songs."

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

"The problem is: reasonable men may differ on what the hell reason is!"

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I think I know where you're going with this: Yes, he was talking about happy hour.

"I know what women want. Her lawyer told me."

'One thing about beer -- you never get buyer's remorse.'

'I drink to bring about change.'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'