Bar Fly Mugs

"Please, John, not the cheap Scotch. My body is a temple."

"I don't want stock options. I want you to pay your tab."

'I pick fights when I get drunk.'

"We can't go back to my place the cops are digging up the basement."

"Do you take dark money?"

'I like tennis - I've always been into mixed doubles.'

'The gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you an aphrodisiac.'

"You had me at hell..."

'Of course not, my dear -- I'm sober as a judge!'

'I could really use a stiff belt.'

'My wife thinks I'm stuck in the lint catcher.'

'When you're through with your tequila, can I have the worm?'

'Ah, Dr. Mecklenburg, noted research scientist, we meet again.'

"I don't know 'where I've been all of your life', but wherever it was, I wish I was there now!"

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"Hey! Are you wearing a wedding ring?"

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

"My alcohol intake has more than doubled over the last four years, and the President has done precious little to prevent it."

"Well, so much for happy hour."

"Take my advice, pal. Drink up and get out of here."

"He's not here."

"... and then she had the nerve to play the ‘you keep cheating on me’ card."

"He's sweet but he's a registered gun nut."

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

"His drink, the nut bowl and his bank account are all empty."

"Women never go for a wunderkind. They always want the 'enfant terrible'."

"She looks hard."

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

"Everything has been done to death."

"Nevermind that; just get me a beer."

"Twenty bucks says you can't cross the road!"

Professional Drinker. Closed course. Do not attempt.

"I'm floating in pure vodka; feel free to dip your glass in if you'd like."

"This bartender really pours a lousy head."