Bar Fly Humor Prints

'Do you ever worry about getting the D.T.'s?'

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

'I'm not drinking with you anymore after what you did to me this morning. . .'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

Complementary Beverages

'George said he was coming here to unwind.'

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

"Gimme a lite. Bug Lite."

Pub restrooms; Thugs - Thugettes

"Do you take dark money?"

"I'm floating in pure vodka; feel free to dip your glass in if you'd like."

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

"Ooops - I'm afraid that was my beer...wait a second whilst I consult my swearword consultant."

"That's right, Carl. I'm bitchy. I'm supposed to be bitchy."

It was the bottom of the fifth and the bases were loaded.

"I don't know 'where I've been all of your life', but wherever it was, I wish I was there now!"

'The gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you an aphrodisiac.'

"So. Are you a mime, a puppeteer, or a ventriloquist?"

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

"...and when the show's not on the road, we still like to work together."

Do you mind if I mix a little business with pleasure and have a brief conversation with the waiter about the fly in my soup?

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

'Anyone can eat right... but it takes a top performer to drink right.'

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

Joe's Tavern: Perfect Attendance

You give dives a bad name. Somebody has to!

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

Virtual Lap Dancing

'Ah, Dr. Mecklenburg, noted research scientist, we meet again.'