Bar Brawl Humorist Mugs

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"She said don't forget the straw."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'Elroy had an unfortunate knack for picking fights with the wrong people'

'These drinks have been watered down.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

'I can lick any man in the house!'

Cool bulls.

'That's the last straw, mister.'

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

People talking through a stethoscope.

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

'I'm having what he's having.'

"In an effort to conserve water... I've stopped having it in my whisky."

Lawyer-poet-in-residence

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."