Bank Satire Fan Prints

"This is not the customer service the bank specifies, Mr Henley."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

Non-Power Breakfast

"He'll do anything to say in power."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

"It's a swearbox."

Scapegoat of the Year

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'

"Already sold your soul to the company? Listen, I'll have my people talk to their people."

'You'll never succeed until the kissing up becomes instinctual.'

'I wonder how the economy is doing.'

"Gentlemen, may I present our company's future. A buggy whip... with Bluetooth!"

"We feel you're over analyzing things a bit too much."

Greek Crisis

"Anyone else see weaknesses in my report?"

Death Boss

'Your ambiguities are impeccable, young man - just what our department needs.'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

Golden bubbles

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

'I blame Iceland - it's PAYBACK!'

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

Dorothy and Toto use their special talents to rapidly ascend the corporate ladder.

"The dip in sales seems to coincide with the decision to eliminate sales staff."

'Any chance you can bite him yourself? I've really got a lot on my dish right now.'