Bad Lie Aficionado Prints

'Replace divots'

"Why do they do that?"

What's normal?

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

"Why is there so much emphasis put on our stupid race?" "I think people are more interested in it as a metaphor than as an actual race." "Slow and steady wins the race, that sort of thing." "That would explain why I always lose..." "Bartender, another please." "Maybe you should slow down." "You never learn do you?"

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

'I know how much you like holding hands, so I brought you a box of them..'

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

'I'm wrapping it tightly to keep the ankle from swelling.'

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

'I have the result of your cost-benefit analysis. You should have retired four years ago.'

'I'd like to return this shredder.'

'You have bullseye rash. take this medicine twice a day and stay away from dart games.'

"Congratulations! You've told the same joke one thousand times!"

"You had me at hell."

'You dirty, snivelling, low down, arrogant son of a gin-swilling kleptomaniac.'

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

What could have been quite possibly the most hilarious dog joke ever is interrupted by. . . 'So I said, that's no bone, that's my. . . squirrel!'

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

Another reason why a high school diploma is not enough.

Clown in supermarket looking at a tin of Canned Laughter.

School of hard knocks: Mail box 'Knock-knock jokes'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"Don't mess with that guy. He's a real hardwood."

"I think it is most admirable," said Alice, "that you gave up a thriving law practice to be with this lovely child."

"Remove your shoes and socks. We ran out of laughing gas"

Lost to antiquity.

'You're not making it any easier for either one of us.'