Bad Date Stories Prints

Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie entirely with my date? Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.

The only time sparks flew on my date with this guy was when the muffler shook loose from his junky car.

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'Eloise! Come back! I was just going to show you some of the equipment we use in veterinary school...'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

'It's not you, Richard. It's your ring tone.'

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

'Some have a love life - I have a 'can't-stand-for-the-man-to-be-right' life.'

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

'But enough about my interiority, how about you?'

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'You write books, you say!'

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

"You're the first guy I've met who really listens and blah, blah, blah..."

"You lead such an interesting life. I've never been called to testify before a Congressional Banking Committee."

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

"I miss the days when people were ashamed to admit they met online."

Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

'And thank you for a lovely evening!'

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

"Would you ask the chef to hurry? We're running out of conversation."

"I collect fridge magnets that look like little fridges."

"I'll be honest, Raymond. I really don't give a damn about the wetlands."

Though Mary's date puts her to sleep, she's saved by her airbag.