Bad Date Stories Prints

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'Eloise! Come back! I was just going to show you some of the equipment we use in veterinary school...'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

'It's not you, Richard. It's your ring tone.'

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

'Some have a love life - I have a 'can't-stand-for-the-man-to-be-right' life.'

'You write books, you say!'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'But enough about my interiority, how about you?'

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

"You're the first guy I've met who really listens and blah, blah, blah..."

"You lead such an interesting life. I've never been called to testify before a Congressional Banking Committee."

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

"I miss the days when people were ashamed to admit they met online."

'And thank you for a lovely evening!'

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

"I collect fridge magnets that look like little fridges."

"Would you ask the chef to hurry? We're running out of conversation."

"I'll be honest, Raymond. I really don't give a damn about the wetlands."

"Besides it having no atmosphere, this restaurant seems to have a very bad attitude."

Though Mary's date puts her to sleep, she's saved by her airbag.

"Well, would you like to tell me anything about you now or shall I carry on where I left off?"