Bad Cook Sympathizer T-Shirts

Dave's How to Puke Book.

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Does this thing get channel four.'

Roasted

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'Anybody for breakfast?'

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"More helium."

No need for you to read this. You seem to have got it to a fine art.

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

'What we were about to receive has gone the way of all flesh.'

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'Holiday insanity helpline.'

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"Fred? Can you help me? I'm really in a jam."

"No, dear. This meal isn't undercooked, you just haven't burnt it, for a change."

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

'Son, history repeats itself...just like your mother's radish pepper salsa.'

Ainsley Harriott: "..Then add the nuts!"

'What choice do we have? She knows too much.'

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

Right v. Wrong Side of the Bed

'Dinner is ruined. I brought too many diet's home from the office again.'