Backstabbing Strategist Pillows

'Maybe I should abandon my crew and keep all the treasure for myself!'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

Under new blame.

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

Coronavirus Windmills

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

"I gotta admit, he's one hell of a negotiator."

'I still say there are better ways to decide which positions to eliminate!'

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

'Contested elections for managing partner are always going to cause a bit of upset.'

'Oh, I HATE IT when he does that thing with his mouth...TALKING!'

'It's true. There was a coup.'

'Look at him with another business model on his arm.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

Irritable Vowel Syndrome