Back To School Gifts

"Is the homework fresh?"

"I believe that's a Montessori school."

Learning Curve

'And then I just hit delete. I haven't actually eaten any homework in years.'

'I found some information in this book for my school paper. How do I click 'print'?'

A classroom full of young children; a schedule board in the background lists the day's activities which include: circle time, art fun, snack and S.A.T. prep.

'How will THIS ever apply to my real life?'

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'Before our principal addresses the faculty, there's something important that has to be said.'

'Okay this test is scheduled for three hours, Fruit fly, you can be excused if you need to die,'

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

"Ma! The cool kids at school won't let me play!"

Yale,Yale,Yale,Yale,Kale

Principal: You are here, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

'...how are you ever going to text.'

'You don't have to worry about my future any more- I just downloaded an entire college education.'

"Now remember this formula, it's going to be on the test."

'No, Adam, 'awesome' is not an acceptable choice of what you want to be when you grow up.'

'I didn't feel answers were necessary. All the questions seemed rhetorical.'

'I didn't write the book report. I downloaded and printed it directly from the Internet, but I did collate and staple it myself.'

"May I remind you that my core worth as a human being remains constant, and isn't tied to external validation."

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

History repeats itself. Which may explain why it's so boring.

'My objective is to have each student become more insightful, compassionate, introspective and empathetic. In your case I will settle for quiet.'

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

Ethics exam cheater.

"No textbooks. I'm strictly Web-fed."

'What do you mean it's wrong? In Ethics we learnt that the truth is always objective!'

'Think of an essay as a collection of tweets only joined together.'

'I really crammed last night.'

Due to recent technological advances, everything I taught you about computers is no longer valid.'

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'Vocabulary'?'

'My teacher says I'm an underachiever, but I think she's an overexpecter.'

'What did you put down for the definition of plagiarism?'