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Batman at the Maternity Ward

'The sonogram shows that you are carrying twins. I think they're going to get along very well. They seem to be hugging.'

What's the big surprise? All the latest theories of linguistics say we're born with the innate capacity for generating sentences.

"And who is going to be the Godfather?"

"I recommend an epidural, at least until they're off to school."

Baby talk 101 - Whaaaaa! 'This is a good one. It means, 'Until my every need is met, your life will be hell'.'

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'Engorgement's not easy for either of us.'

'Thank God we're cute. You only get one chance to make a good first impression.'

'We're quite excited. We think he's developing his first disorder.'

'Look, I think she recognised you!'

Breastfeeding - "When it's my turn, can I use this?"

'Superbaby...More powerful than an electric breast pump!'

"Do you have a babble-to-English dictionary?"

"So then I'm, like, 'Waaaaah! Waaaah!'"

Maternity ward.

'I think I understand. You and I are a team and mum is the coach!'

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

'The good looking one is mine!'

'You saved $.05 for using your own bag.'

'We've got it narrowed down to between three and twenty-three pounds.'

"He seems to be a bit of a crybaby."

'I never know which side to start on.'

"So this is the secret to the start of labour!"

New dad.

'Do you have a reservation?'

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

"Oooglie oooglie googlie googlie..." "Who is this person? Where's the one with the milk?"

A daily routine gives you the advantage of knowing what to expect tomorrow.

Cry babies.

'So this is goodbye then!'

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

'Slow down! Are you trying to drown me?'

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

'You're not sucking. You're playing.'