B-movie Enthusiasts T-Shirts

Attack of the Really Lame Stick Figures

Snakes on a Train

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

Herman Mankiewicz

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

The Pink Bantha

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

"Why don't you just go and see this summer's feel-good movie?"

A mummy, in police tape, chases a police officer.

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

Cow Cong vs Toilet Rolls.

"Don't go in there!!"

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

"The cape comes off too."

'It's a 'Free Willy From Hollywood' petition: Would you please sign it...'

'One chatterbox, a natter natter and two shhhhh's please.'

"Santa's not been happy with your behavior in class and says, get it together or your Christmas won't be merry!"

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

A typical Monday. Zombie truck driving maniacs! South Pole penguin love! That's a stupid eco-friendly chick documentary! Insipid, mindless, violent, zombie crud! Negotiations commence, nearly a week before date night. Wimp! Blockbuster head!

"We're gonna make, Rose! Keep washing your hands!"

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

"A storm rages from the East - tell the men to get below and snuggle up for movie night."

Barry Norman