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"So close."

Bad Interview Technique

"If you think the first half of this psychological test is intrusive, wait until you're grilled by me mother."

"Don't make eye contact... Don't make eye contact..."

"It's not what you think."

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

"What an awful morning. I left home without my phone."

"Never seen a cow before?"

"This one is really unusual. We have to remove a horseshoe from a guy's naval."

Fortunately, his training had prepared him to deal with all types of customers.

"So, have you two been doing anything reproductive?"

'See, I told you my dad would like you.'

"Look, I know Estella has a boyfriend. I would never try to break them up. But it's not illegal to text friends...and we're still friends..."

Shy Man at Party

'I hope I'm not intruding...'

'Excuse me, Mr. Pavlik, but that gentleman you called an idiot is here. Should I still say you're not in?'

Freak Accident Specialist

Meeting Melanie's parents suddenly turns awkward.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Alumnae News

'Now that's what I call a worthy cause.'

An awkward moment during the coronation...

'Check this out Henry, the stripper has arrived.'

"Your son has an unctuous, grasping, power-hungry quality we find unattractive in a five-year-old."

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

"Did I just butt-dial my booty call?"

"I could see my mating dance had caught her eye, so I put more energy into it, but I ended up sweaty and out of breath: she lost interest then. . ."

"So, is this your very first visit to a massage therapist?"

'Holy S**t!'

'This motel doesn't have WiFi. So NOW who's going to babysit the kids??'

"The interview was going great until she noticed on my c.v. that I was her ex husband."

'I can't play any tunes, it's just used for hiding my farts after dinner.'

Prisoner is treated to leg of lamb for dinner.

Duncan made a real faux pas when he heard that his blind date was expecting a baby.

'No Daddy. I didn't say that my new boyfriend was a porn dealer. I said he was a pawn broker '