Awkward Moments Collector Pillows

'Price check on the size 46 teddy bear pattern boxer shorts.'

"What do you mean 'paper or plastic'? Have you ever used condoms before?"

Zit: Pus based life-form whose main habitat is the teenage face. Normally peaceable, but he can react violently if threatened.

Ned thinks back to his youth.

'Two out of three isn't bad, Harold. My mother and father like you, but I don't.'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'You! You were my blind date last night.'

Showbiz Awards

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

Always an awkward moment when you meet a Dung Beetle...

"You and your daft inventions."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

The awkwardness of one's first officeplace fist-bump.

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"I suppose I should have let a few minutes elapse between declaring my love for you and announcing that I also loved lobster."

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

Baldo's How to Be Uncool: No. 5. Forget how hot the coffee is while you're thinking how cool you look sitting in a coffee shop.

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"Are you blushing?!"

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"Say these things, don't think them!"

Speed Dating Disasters

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

"On a scale of 1-10, how painfully awkward is this?"

"No surgery. I'm just trying to hide a pimple."

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

"How embarrassing, I'm literally glued to the television."

"I dooon't know this sooonngg. I'm just heeeere with my daaaaaughter and her frieeeends."