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The art of regifting

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

"God help us, it's that guy."

"All in favor of telling Anderson about that thing stuck to his lip, say aye."

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

'Maybe you need to practice walking.'

'Ah, it seems that I've completely misjudged the mood of the evening.'

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"Gee, I hate gatherings like these! I never know the right thing to say..."

The Awkwardly Informal Meet Up Group

I've got to run to my job interview! Do I have spinach between my teeth?

'I've never felt like this on a first date, Tom, you're suffocating me.'

'Your mother is not a good loser is she?'

"All you had to do was ASK us to leave!"

The Land of the Uncomfortable Pause

'Hi, I'm Sheldon, and I want to speak to you about perception management!'

Bob had a lot to prove – which happens when you're wrong most of the time.

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."

"We're going to be late for the awkwardly standing around."

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."

The originator of the office birthday party.

'Find out if she would have like me if I hadn't asked so many people.'

"Just don't be yourself."

"Damn it, when things were going well there was nothing but eye contact."