Awkward Date Story Sharer Gifts

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

In Desperate Straits.

'Eloise! Come back! I was just going to show you some of the equipment we use in veterinary school...'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

"If it's all the same to you, Kevin, I'd like to continue observing the six-foot-rule."

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

'But enough about my interiority, how about you?'

Man wearing t-shirt with "As seen" slogan

Nethead strip: Dates

'You two will have lots in common - you share the same anxiety neurosis.'

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

"Oh my god. She knows I schist my plants.

'This is the last time I'm going fishing with you, Harold!'

"I rub my body with animal fat and swim around Manhattan."

"You lead such an interesting life. I've never been called to testify before a Congressional Banking Committee."

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

Dr Atkins on a date: 'Why does he keep looking at me like I'm a piece of meat?'

Your shoulders are like silk. For some reason, when my skin crawls, it feels smooth.

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

"Would you ask the chef to hurry? We're running out of conversation."