Awkward Conversations Aficionados Prints

'They're talking about us again, and you won't believe the things they're saying!'

Very Difficult Conversations

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Twice a year, Uncle Mort and Sadie Cohen have an official relationship talk. While this biannual conversation is scheduled by mutual consent under long-standing treaty, some participants engage grudgingly. Let's talk about our feelings. I don't feel like it. That's not a feeling, Snookums! Loophole!

"Ya know, boys and girls studying alone like this is strictly forbidden in Iran."

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

'Miss Kress, who on our staff is in charge of denials and uncomfortable realities.'

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

'Hi, I'm Raoul...I shall be your talking point of the evening.'

'Have you noticed it, too?'

Before birds and bees,

Friendly Fire: 'Good to see you, Geoff. . . wife and kids ok? How's the garden looking this summer? You're sacked!'

"Bob, when I said "let him sniff your hand first," I meant the dog."

'Bill, I'm sorry to hear about your going into the hospital. Is it a MALE problem?'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."

'Mom, did I come preassembled or did you and dad have to put me together?'

"I really am young at heart: I got a 34 year old's in a transplant."

"Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure." "Sorry." "As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone." "Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw?" "Or did the fault lie entirely with my date?" "Feel free to speak candidly." "Mother."

Meet Jim, you've a lot in common...he's an insufferable bore as well...

"When you people start working eggs into the conversation, it's really code for something else,right?"

"And I'm actually the one who puts the giblets back into the chickens..."

"What I like best about you is how you, er ...the way you, ummm....You know, there's actually nothing I like about you."

'For some reason, when my skin crawls, it feels smooth.'

'You said you wanted to talk to me about sex, Dad - what actually do you want to know?'

"We thought it was a rough patch, but it turned out to be our life."

Ask me about my colonoscopy: 'Uh Oh.'

"Do you know that idiot, he sounds like an owl?"

"I ate some yogurt once. It was very good."

The Heimlich Maneuver

'... and then some giant machine punched a hole through my stomach, and that's how you were born.'

"I thought we could spend some father-son time together...you know, to talk about fishing, starting a campfire, dating, girls..."

"Well, son, it seems you've inherited my deplorable taste in pornography."